


Can’t Make You Happy [Hamilton x Laurens]

by brilliantboffins



Series: Hamilton Requests [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Modern AU, Suspected Infidelity, Tumblr, hamilton imagine, insecure laurens, prompt, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantboffins/pseuds/brilliantboffins
Summary: Prompt: “It’s okay. If I can’t make you happy anymore than I have no right to keep you. You deserve so much better than that, so it’s okay. You can go.”Summary: Alex is working all the time and John starts to get insecure.





	Can’t Make You Happy [Hamilton x Laurens]

 

Alex was always busy, ever since John met him the man never seemed to stop. He was either writing, talking, fighting, debating, but never just relaxing. It was something John knew he would have to deal with when the two of them started dating, and for a while that had been fine. As much as Alex worked, he always came home to John. They would snuggle on the sofa after a tough day or Alex would stumble into bed after coming home from some late-night meeting, but John never woke up alone and Alex would always text him through the day to check in, even if just to complain about Jefferson.

John had been happy, knowing that Alex’s work was important and it made him proud that his boyfriend was relied upon by so many to run their country. He kept himself in the background, never trying to outshine Alex or compete with his work, content to know that he had a special place in Alex’s heart.

The changes began slowly. Instead of waking up together, John would find a note waiting for him on the bedside table. Instead of endearing texts filled with hearts and cheesy lines he got one-word messages and listless replies that shut down attempts at conversation. He would cook dinner for two and watch the food cool as the other place at the table remained empty. Alex stayed more and more often at the office late into the night and John was at a loss as to what to do without sounding like he was nagging. For every night he had to go to bed alone the question burned in his mind.

Was Alex getting tired of him?

He had never been an insecure person. Rash, assertive, with a tendency to jump into things head first, John Laurens exuded confidence and self-esteem but as he curled on the cold bed hugging his knees he couldn’t help but question his own self-worth. Aside from his dad’s money what exactly did he have to offer?

Alex was brilliant, charming, his words changed national policy and swayed the president of the United States. He grew up as an orphan, got dumped from foster home to foster home, getting beaten and bullied. Through it all the man didn’t allow any of that to keep him down. He fought back, studied hard, scrimped and saved until he got a full scholarship to Princeton. Alex had every reason to be proud of where he was now, he had survived and was now one of the most powerful man in the nation.

John, on the other hand, couldn’t convince a rabbit to eat carrots. During university in a bout of rebellion he had turned his nose up at law, which his dad wanted him to study, and took art instead. That was pretty much the only time in his life he had to actually fight for something he wanted. He hadn’t even had the courage to tell his dad about Alex until after graduation by which point Washington had already given Alex a paid intern position in his office, so John had used that as leverage to convince his dad that Alex was worthy to be his boyfriend. Alex had been understanding, agreeing to keep their relationship a secret except around their closest friends. He knew it had hurt the other man not being able to openly express their feelings for each other, but Alex had swallowed it all down to keep John happy.

Nowadays while Alex was Washington’s right-hand man, John was teaching art at a local high school. It was mostly just to keep busy since he hardly needed the money, and while Alex never said anything the curly-haired man couldn’t help thinking how inadequate he was as a partner to Alexander Hamilton.

Surely the other man had met some other eligible young bachelor or bachelorette. There were plenty who paraded around the president and other high-ranking politicians, all hoping to get noticed. Alex was often invited to parties and events where some of the country’s most eloquent, educated, charismatic people gathered and it wouldn’t surprise John at all if one of them had managed to catch his eye.

John sniffled and hugged his pillow, sobbing into the soft fabric as images of Alex breaking up with him floated through his mind. Will Alex be kind about it? Will he be cruel? Will it be over quickly, or dragged out? What would happen to their home? How would they split all the things inside?

So caught up in his head, John didn’t hear the door open. He did, however, feel the bed dip as someone laid down behind him and wrapped their arms around his waist. A scruffy beard tickled his neck as the other person gently kissed his neck, but instead of feeling comforted John cried harder. The other person froze and quickly the bedside lamp was flicked on casting a warm glow to the room.

“John? Love, what’s the matter?”

John shook his head stubbornly and bit his lip, trying to curb his sobs.

“N-n..nothing..”

He could almost see Alex’s skeptical expression as a warm hand gently nudged his shoulder until he was lying flat on his back.

Alex’s worried face came into view and John felt awful to have caused him to look so concerned when the man was probably exhausted after working all day.

“Oh, my sweet baby boy. Tell me what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Alex implored, brushing away some of the tears on John’s cheek with his thumb.

John gripped the duvet, not knowing what to say. Instead, he opted to try changing the subject.

“It’s…it’s late, d-did you eat dinner?”

Alex gave him a look but nodded.

“Yeah, we worked late on the latest proposal for bank security and the president ordered us pizza.”

John sniffled and averted his eyes.

“Oh…,” he muttered, thinking about the curry he had made for dinner, now in the fridge. He had looked up a special recipe for it and spent hours preparing but when Alex hadn’t showed he had dejectedly shoved it all into plastic containers for later.

Alex sighed and bent down to kiss John’s forehead, then his cheek, followed by his lips.

“Sweetheart, tell me why you’re so upset. Did something happen at work? One of the parents yell at you again?”

John snorted and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. How trivial his life seemed, whereas Alex dealt with national policy his biggest problems were screaming parents.

“Did one of the students mess up the paints again? You should really get them to install a cabinet with a lock so the kids can’t get to the supplies when you’re not there.”

Another shake of John’s head as he curled up against Alex, toying with a button on the other man’s pajama shirt.

Alex ran his fingers through John’s hair, feeling how tense his boyfriend was.

“Love…did…did I do something? Did I upset you?”

John froze, not wanting to lie outright but not wanting to tell the truth either. He huffed and turned around, his back to Alex once more as he tried to bury his face into the pillow.

“’m tired, going to sleep. G’night,” he mumbled, attempting to escape the conversation.

“Hey!” Alex protested, clambering up over John so he was seated on the other side. He pulled at the pillow trying to get the curly-haired man to stop hiding, “John, tell meeeeeeee~ Come on, pleeeeeeease? Baby, what’s going on? Whatever it is I’m sorry, yeah? Is it the new turtle exhibit at the Smithsonian? I know you wanted to go and I was too busy, but we can go this weekend. I’ll reschedule my meeting with Madison and we’ll take the whole day to see the turtles, ok?”

John reared up on the bed, eyes flashing as he glared at Alex.

“STOP IT!” He screamed, eyes tearing up once more, “Just stop! Alex, I’m…I’m so goddamn tired, just let me sleep! I don’t need you rescheduling your damn meetings just to fit me into your busy goddamn schedule like an after-thought, you’re too busy for me, I get it all right?! I don’t CARE if you don’t come home for dinner, I don’t CARE if my food goes uneaten, I don’t CARE if you just work, work, work all day and I’m home sleeping in a cold bed by myself, I don’t CARE if you’re seeing someone else or fucking someone else, I just don’t fucking CARE! I get, it’s fine! If I can’t make you happy anymore than I have no right to keep you. You deserve so much better than that, so it’s okay. You can go!” John half screamed and half sobbed, his body shaking as he broke down.

Alex was stunned and for once speechless. He had cowered back during John’s tirade and now he stared at his boyfriend in shock, mouth open, eyes wide, trying to process everything he had just heard. The weeping from John broke his heart but he didn’t know if his comfort would be welcome right now. He knew he had been busy recently, even Washington had scolded him more than once for constantly being in the office and warned him to check his priorities. John always appeared to be satisfied with what they had and Alex had had no idea his boyfriend was suffering so much. He really tried to always come home before dinner, and to save at least one day on the weekend to be with John, but as time went on his work piled up and somewhere along the way John had gotten shoved lower and lower on his priorities list.

Guilt flashed through Alex as he realized he hadn’t shared a meal with John in at least two weeks, and it’s been even longer since they had been intimate together since he always came home too tired. John never complained, never asked him to change, always accepting things with a smile and a nod. He tried to think about the man at home all alone day after day, eating dinner alone, washing the dishes, preparing for bed, slipping between the sheets, with no one else in the house to keep him company. His heart dropped at how lonely that must have been and felt his own tears gather.

John wiped his eyes angrily and flipped the duvet off before storming out of the bed. He grabbed a pillow and muttered that he was going to sleep in the guest room before heading for the door.

Alex rushed to intervene, physically placing himself in front of the doorway so that John couldn’t leave. His chest hurt from seeing the tear streaks on John’s freckled cheeks and he wanted desperately to pull his boyfriend close.

“Get out of the way, Alex. I’m not sleeping in here with you,” John grumbled, trying to sidestep Alex.

The shorter man stubbornly refused to move, eyes pleading.

“John, please. Let’s talk this over? I don’t understand what you mean by me seeing someone else? I’m not, there’s only you! I would never go behind your back, I love you!”

The other man growled, “Bullshit. You’re rarely home anymore, you don’t bother to text or call, I don’t even know where you are or what you’re doing half the time and these days I have no idea when you’re coming back. Hell, my fucking roommate in university shared more time with me than you do and you’re supposed to be my boyfriend. You haven’t touched me for weeks, haven’t even tried, when I try to initiate you push me away, but you’re ‘tomcat Alex’ and it’s a pretty reliable guess that you didn’t suddenly decide to go celibate. Like I said, I don’t motherfucking care though, if you’ve fallen for someone else just tell me. I know you’re surrounded by pretty ladies and handsome men all the fucking time but do me a goddamn favor and at least just break it off with me first.”

Alex shook his head so hard he felt his brain swirl, “No! John, believe me, I’m not with anyone else. You can ask Washington, Jefferson, Lafayette, they’re with me in the office all the time and I swear all I do is work. I don’t want to be with anyone else, John. You’re the one I fell in love with, and the only person I am still in love with. I’m sorry I made you feel neglected, I-I didn’t know. I took you for granted and I’m sorry, but please, please John, don’t go. I need you with me, I need you by my side. I can’t…I can’t lose someone else I love…” Alex’s voice cracked and he fell to his knees. Everyone he loved left him, but he can’t lose John. He needed to see the man’s smile, hear his laughter, needed to feel his arms around him and listen to him whisper his name as they made love.

John fell silent as he watched his boyfriend literally on his knees, begging. Tears trickled down Alex’s cheek and the taller man saw sorrow and fear in the other man’s eyes. He wanted to stay mad, keep raging, stand his ground and go to the guest bedroom, but faced with Alex openly pleading with him desperately he couldn’t get his legs to move.

Silence fell over the two men as they faced off, both with tears in their eyes and trembling from emotions. Finally, John sighed and dropped the pillow he was still holding. He took a tentative step forward and carefully pulled Alex against himself. The shorter man sobbed and flung his arms around John’s waist, burying his face in his boyfriend’s stomach as he cried in relief.

“I’m sorry, John, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll come home earlier, I’ll spend more time with you, I’ll tell them to block off my weekends and turn off my phone so they can’t call me in. And, and, if they refuse I’ll quit, I’ll stay with you. Please, I’m so sorry, John, I didn’t know you were hurting so much and I should have. I wasn’t attentive enough and you deserve better. Please, stay with me…,” Alex cried, his words pouring out so fast it was difficult to decipher between his weeping.

“Shhh...it’s ok, love. I know, I’m still here, we’ll figure it out. You don’t have to quit, and I know your work is important, we’ll work something out that works for both of us, yeah?” John cooed gently, smoothing back Alex’s hair as he held him tightly. He had never seen his boyfriend break down so badly. Even during the worst times Alex always kept strong, determined to seek resolution rather than waste time on crying. For him to be so openly vulnerable John knew he had really managed to scare Alex to the core with his threat to leave.

It took a long time before John managed to calm Alex down enough so that the sobs were reduced to sniffles. With some coaxing, he got the shorter man to stand up and helped him back to the bed where he tucked them both in before pulling Alex close.

“I’m sorry I accused you of cheating, love. I...I shouldn’t have done that without at least talking to you first. I was just…so scared, you’re always with such amazing people and I’m so afraid one of them’s going to snatch you come me.”

Alex shook his head, “Never. That would never happen, they’re all bumbling idiots compared to you. I get so weary of seeing their faces and listening to their attempts at debating me, the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes is knowing you’re waiting for me.”

John chuckled and kissed Alex’s forehead.

“So I’m like your substitute stress ball? Squeeze me once for relief, squeeze me twice for relaxation?”

  
Alex let out a sad little laugh, “Something like that. I wish you were really there with me, though. Maybe I can get through at least one day without wanting to punch Jefferson.”

John hm’ed and they fell into a comfortable silence. They still had many things to work out, but at least now they could talk it over without either of them fearing the other was leaving. As John reached out to turn off the lamp, Alex snuggled closer.

“I’ll take tomorrow off work. I’ve got like, fifty days of paid vacation stored up anyway. We’ll have the entire day to ourselves, is that ok?”

John was about to protest that that wasn’t necessary but he realized it was. He and Alex needed time alone to repair their bond and figure out some way to balance Alex’s work and their private life.

“Ok, that sounds lovely,” John agreed as they slowly drifted to sleep.

 

* * *

 

_**END** _

OK…so…that was supposed to be a drabble but uh…oops. I suck at keeping things short X___X I hope you like it, though!!


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